The Roundup bring you the top three football stories of the day… plus anything else you might have missed

“Shall I compare thee to a footballer?”

1. The state of football, episode #213224

Joe Kinnear dominates today’s RoundUp with the fallout from the almost distressingly inept performance during a TalkSport interview last night in which he called Yohan Cabaye “kebab”, Shola Ameobi “Amamobi” and Derek Lliambas “Lambazi” as well as making several extraordinarily farcical claims about both his playing and managerial career. Listen to the full interview here.

Nevertheless Newcastle confirmed the appointment this afternoon. Conspicuous in its absence was any comment from Alan Pardew; though the Independent have stolen the show with a source confirming that Pardew is not a happy camper.

And a superb take on this Geordie circus can also be read here as Iain Macintosh of Unibet compares Kinnear to a violently wayward ice cream truck.

2. Fabregas to stick it out at Barca… probably

All the major outlets have reported that Barcelona’s 14th-fiddle midfielder has announced he’ll definitely be staying at the Nou Camp this year, despite his statement at no point saying he’ll definitely be staying at the Nou Camp this year.

“People talk a lot but the truth is that no-one has spoken with me. I want to triumph in Barcelona, that club is my home and I always dreamed of playing there, so I will try and succeed there as long as I can,” he sighed, gently but firmly disentangling his legs from a weeping Arsene Wenger’s clutches.

3. Australia qualify for the World Cup… along with Iran, that being the much better story

The Socceroos [Drop Zone shudders at nickname] qualified after an 83rd-minute winner from Josh Kennedy was just enough to defeat Iraq. Hidden under the Guardian’s oddly triumphant headline of Australia’s glory against such a behemoth of international football, however, was the news that Iran had also qualified after astonishingly beating South Korea away from home. Talk about a good news week for Iran.

and finally…

Someone with far, far too much time on their hands (don’t look at me like that) has created a flickbook of Cristiano Ronaldo’s dazzling skillset. Note the million views in one week, as well as the informed, intelligent debate of the commenters underneath.

See you tomorrow!