Today’s RoundUp is brought to you by Leyton Orient Owner Barry Hearn, who signed striker Sean Batt on Twitter with the somewhat backhanded compliment of “Big plans for next season. Plus we actually want you!” But sign he did, so who is the Drop Zone to complain
1. “Why you looka so sad?”
Poor Laurent Blanc. The Drop Zone can’t put its finger on it, but there always seems to be the darkest of grey clouds hanging over the man. Perhaps it’s because it’s difficult to associate the Frenchman with anything other than a) being seismically mugged off by Slavan Bilic and b) being seismically mugged off by Manchester United who actually thought the then 35-year-old sprint-shy defender could immediately paper over the balls-up of selling Jaap Stam to Lazio for having the temerity to suggest David Beckham would be unlikely to win Mastermind and that Gary Neville was “a busy c***”.
But “Larry White”, as he was charmingly christened by United fans, will be today be wearing a smile broader than Sepp Blatter’s waistline as he was appointed manager of PSG after Carlo Ancelloti hopped it to Real Madrid. Despite being 107th choice for the role after everyone including Andre Villas Boas, Guus Hiddink, Fabio Capello, and Joe Kinnear (according to Kinnear, probably), Blanc won’t be complaining – that is until club director and Quantum of Solace baddie Leonardo pokes his nose so far into Blanc’s affairs he’ll have to pry it out with a rusty crowbar.
2. Di Canio cleans house, intends to turn Sunderland into super soldiers
Paolo Di Canio’s penchant for only employing players with a lower resting heartrate then Steve Redgrave means that he will be pushing reducer-merchant Lee Cattermole and not-that-bad-to-fair midfielder Stephane Sessègnon towards the door marked ‘exit’ with one hand, whilst furiously jabbing at said door with the other.
Dumping Cattermole and his awful disciplinary record seems a decent choice, but considering Sessègnon was one of the very few players who offered any kind of creativity at the Stadium of Light last season, he’ll need to find a good replacement and sharpish.
3. Mario Balotelli disappoints everyone again… but in a nice way
Mario Balotelli has been sent home from the Confederations Cup but not in disgrace, dissappointing anyone who loves seeing his erratic behaviour splashed all over the internet and relieving those who like a bit of variety in their football news. Balotelli has been forced to pull out of the tournament with a thigh sprain.
“I feel like a loser leaving this way. I would have liked to stay but there’s the Champions League preliminary round so I’ve got to take care of myself,” said Mario, infuriating everyone with his sickening honesty and pragmatism. “Anyhow, my team-mates will do well even without me.”
Isco is going to Real Madrid, rather than Man City, possibly after consulting Carlos Tevez over the restaurant situation.
Cardiff City have cancelled their trip to Malaysia because of the smog.
Fleetwood Town midfielder Gerard Kinsella has been given a two-year drugs ban after testing positive for the anabolic steroid Nandrolone.