“Newcastle United can confirm that Joe Kinnear has this evening resigned from his position as Director of Football with immediate effect. The Club will be making no further comment.” 

Joe_Kinnear_Hull_City_v._Newcastle_United_1That’s it. Nothing. No thank you, no polite acknowledgement, no “‘we thank Joe for his services to the club and wish him all the best”. Newcastle’s statement regarding sudden resignation of their Director of F***ing Football Joe F***ing Kinnear is blunt in the extreme.

Possibly because there were barely any “services” to speak of. As has been pointed out, Kinnear failed to make a single permanent signing since he was appointed by his “drinking companion” Mike Ashley, bringing in only Loic Remy last summer and Luuk de Jong last week.

It’s an undignified end to Kinnear’s tenure, but then along with signing players, telling the truth and pronouncing people’s name correctly, dignity isn’t exactly Kinnear’s specialism.

It seems strange for there to be absolutely no conciliatory message from the club but it perhaps goes to show that even Mike Ashley might be embarrassed and regretful over the appointment, difficult to believe as that may seem. Ashley is not known for being a sentimental businessman, and the curt statement on Newcastle’s website is a clear demonstration of how embarrassing and disastrous the whole episode has been.

With the odd exception, notably the dire performance in the 3-0 home loss to Sunderland at the weekend Newcastle have performed well in the league in spite of, not because of, Kinnear’s operations. Alan Pardew has been barely able to disguise his contempt for Kinnear, replying “I’ve got no comment to make on that one” when asked about the prospects of more players coming in after the derby defeat.

Top Ten Joe Kinnear Quotes 

1. “Derek Llambezee [Derek Llambias, managing director] was the director of football. Derek has resigned now.”

2. (During first press conference as Newcastle manager in 2008) “Which one of you is Simon Bird? You’re a cunt.”

3. “I’ve never been sacked.” (Wrong – sacked by Luton in 2003).

4. “I have played in five Cup finals – I have won the lot.” (Wrong – won four as a player, never won on as a manager).

5. “I brought Tim Krul to Newcastle” (Wrong – Grame Souness did that one)

6. “I think they’ve got some magnificent midfield players: Tioté. Ben Afri, Yohan Kebab, Sissoko are very solid.”

7. “I can open the door to any football manager in the world, anyone… I spend my whole life, picking up the phone, talking to Alex Ferguson, week in, week out, what would you do, what would you do? Pick the phone up at any time of day and speak to Arsène Wenger.”

8. “What are you? My personal secretary? F*** off.”

9. Journalist: “Today we’ll print the absolute truth, that you think we’re cunts, we can all fuck off and we’re slimy. Is that fair enough?

JFK: “Do it. Fine. Fucking print it. Am I going to worry about it? Put in also that it’ll be the last time I see you. Put that in as well. Good. Do it.”

10. “I think Michael’s a very generous owner and I think he’s one of the best owners in the business to work for and I don’t think Michael will mind when we give him our business plan.” (Would have loved to have seen that one).

Bonus: 11. “Judge me on my signings” – about 8 months ago